The Big Loss

I said, I could kill for you,I meant, I am living for you.I said, I want to spend my life with you,I meant, my life could not make sense without you.

I said you are beautiful,I meant, you are the only one I see.I said, you are like me to me,I meant, me being me is useless without you.

I said, I would love you till the end of the world,I meant, I want you to be tagging all along.I said, your smile makes my day bright,I meant, a day without your smile is no day at all.

I said, I would fight the world for your sake,I meant, you are my whole world.I said, I would give away anything for you,I meant, ther is nothing worth winning after loosing you.

I said, I want to kill you.I meant, my life's futility is now very clear.I said, you have ditched me,I meant you are the only one I trusted.

I said, consider me non existant,I meant, I better be dead than being painful to you.I said, I revoke your right to talk about me,I meant, I am taking myself back from the world.

Allow me to go, to leave and to disappear,To have learnt to love and to have lost you for ever.It is so damn bad that the death would have been better,Who knows how my heart broke anf how it now withers. 

Dream and Realization of the dream

One of the basic truth about me is that I love kids. I have always dreamt of having kids and raising them to become good human beings. I had always wanted to have a daughter, buy pretty clothes for her, tie her hair in a neat ponytail. I have always looked forward to my daughter becoming a sweet little charming geirl. I would have so liked the see her going around collecting praise for being plite and respectful and then growing up in a loving young lady.

Well, it has all changed recently. I look at the world as it is today and get scared rather than hopeful about having to raise my kids. I don't want to be responsible for bringing some body in this kind of a world. What is it? There are so many kids out there and so many parents. In fact, two parents per single child and still they are not able to make children good human beings. The world full of guilt and of crime and of treachery and of lies. A world so full of joyless creatures just carrying on their lives of no purpose and raising klids for thw sake of raising them. I don't like this world. How could I give it a young precious little gift, a part of myself? I don't know how could I convince myself of this? Would it not be like letting my young one down? Could I stake a life for the fulfillment of a dream that I have been harbroing?